Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
