another moral hangover. fuck.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
