She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
