She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
