Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
