So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
