Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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