I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
