I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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