That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
