did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
