i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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