Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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