The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My ATM looks so different sober.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
