My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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