i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
