he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
