you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
