about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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