I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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