I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
