If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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