I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
