Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
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I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
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They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??