I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants