so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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