im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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