i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
