I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
