Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
