Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
