So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
