i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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