the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
