In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
