she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
whose parrot is this?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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