he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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