uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
