im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
