Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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