Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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