i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think a kid would responsible me up
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
