Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
