i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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