Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
