You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We got so high we made milksteak
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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