Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
