I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
