I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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