i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
