can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
