Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
