don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
