so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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