Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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