you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
