i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
