I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
