Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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