she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
