Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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