I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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