boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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