No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
