New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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