the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
