is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
