i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
