TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
