I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
