Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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