My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
