GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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