there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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