how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
