i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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