soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
