ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
